On the evening of May 8th, I was home on my last long day of the semester with our two kids while my partner taught two final classes. I checked the election results a couple of times online before it was clear that Amendment One had indeed passed. I had been half-consciously preparing all day for this outcome but my heart sank anyway.
A lot of thoughts flew through my head. The excitement I’d been feeling over the house we’re under contract on in Winston-Salem vaporized. I wished we could move out of North Carolina to a state where my family is more welcome. At the same time, I want my children to grow up close to my mom (and other supportive family members) and moving out of NC would mean moving further from her. Which is better for kids, I wondered: growing up around a large and loving extended family in a state that demonizes their parents or growing up with minimal extended family presence in a state that’s more accepting of us?
I damned the job market for landing us here even though my partner loves working at this small liberal arts women’s college which also provides me with partner benefits. I imagined all of the self-righteous, anti-gay people who supported the amendment rejoicing together and feeling smug at the same time as I and so many good, decent, compassionate people felt crushed and dejected. I knew that running away is not the answer, that we need to stay and be the change, but at what cost? Our kids’ childhoods?
Our one-year-old toddled around the room (he’s walking now as I predicted) and our three-year-old chased him, both oblivious to what I was going through. I decided to take them outside for some fresh, cool air and a change of scene. I grabbed my camera for added distraction and I asked my older son to sing me a song, expecting to hear Itsy Bitsy Spider or his original song, Smash (which goes something like this: Smash, smash, smaaaash, smash, smaAAAash!).
Instead, he fetched his ukelele and made up a new song on the spot:
In case you can’t watch, or understand him, here are the lyrics:
I just want you to stay with me
and I don’t want you to go out
in the woods by yourself.
I will come with you in the woods
because I don’t want a bear to get you!
That’s right, my son wrote his first love song, and his timing couldn’t have been better.
Good, kind people of North Carolina, I want to thank you for voting with and for my family. Unfortunately, there are a lot more bears in these woods than we knew. But I want you to know we’re staying with you, we’re walking with you through these dark times, and together we will keep each other safe and loved.
And we will fight back.
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Here’s a roundup of my favorite reads from today:
The morning after Amendment 1: Your world. And mine.
Despite Amendment One’s Passing, NC Is A Better State Today
An Open Letter on Amendment One
We support you. We will fight for you. We thought of leaving ourselves. It’s so easy to leave a fight than it is to stay and lick our wounds and get back up. If you ever need a friend, we’re here. Ben and Ferne Emery. 336-782-1861. (if any spammers locate my phone number and use it for anything but being cool, I might curse at you, but know I support your marriage equality.)
Aly,
Once again I am very impressed with your heartfelt response. Don’t ever let these self righteous bastards ever bring you down. You are way too strong to ever let that happen. Plus you have my love and support. I will be in North Carolina next week and I promise that I will see you and the family. I can’t wait until your kids get to play with mine. I just want you to know that I love you very much and I am so proud that you are who you’ve become in life. I have always believed in my little sister and I know that you should get back into writing because your words are always beautiful. You do make a difference and can change history in NC.
Aly, I’m not sure it makes sence that I thought for you and your family first when I heard the depressing news from last night, but despite being a stranger to you, that’s the case. I may not know you personally, but your words are powerful and I think you’re using them wisely. Hate comes from fear and ignorance, and family traditions, but your writing is one thing that fights that backwardness. There’s a reason pens are mighty.
It makes me endlessly angry that basic human rights could be put to a vote — and worse: be voted against — but we’ll all just keep fighting. And know that even if it doesn’t feel like it, there are many people in NC and the rest of the country (hi from CO!) that support you and who will speak out for love.
Even though I’m not on your continent, I was anxious about this voting process. The outcome of the vote makes me happy we’ve stopped considering North Carolina as a place to move to (even though if we had, there would have been more votes against the amendment).
I’m sorry that so many people in the area surrounding you feel that they need to lash out against your family and your life and your (supposedly inalienable) basic human rights. I’m sorry that your freedom to live and love is under attack.
Once I get to vote and donate to political causes in the US, I will do all I can to give all people equal rights to family life. In the mean time I wish you strength and hope.
and we just saw you on the news. Good job!
That was the best love song I’ve heard in awhile. Thanks.
You know you are awesome! Keep fighting, dancing, and singing for what you believe in! Love You Cousin!!!!!